My battle with depression.

In October 2015, Brandon and I got married. It was the best day of my life. It was everything I could have dreamed about. The month leading up to the wedding I remember feeling down. I was never really stressed, just down. During the day I was fine, but the nights were hard. I would end up in tears 95% of the time. The last few days leading up to our wedding and for about three weeks afterwards, I was fine. I felt like myself.

Starting around November, I felt myself slipping. I would stay in bed all day. I would never go out. It was hard for me to even take a shower every day. And just like in September,  I wold start out fine, but as the day would progress, I would get worse and worse to the point where I was crying EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT in the bathroom. It was like clockwork.

The feeling of sadness was always there, it was persistent so I had learn to put on my happy face when I was out in public.(Only Brandon, knew about my battle for the first three months.) Yet, the further the month of November went along, the harder it was to pretend; the worse my sadness got (Brandon once told me that, there were a few times that he thought he was gonna have to hospitalize me from how scary I had gotten).

It was until the beginning of December did I finally come out to my family. After three months of hiding it, I came out. With the help from my family, I finally found the courage to go get help because I wasn't going to get better on my own. (I ended up being diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, and that the case was from the birth control I was on.)

Every month after my diagnosis, there was always hope that I would be able to stop my antidepressant and my battle with depression would go away. I hated taking the pill; it was always a chore to remember to take it. I was thought that once I started taking my medicine I would be better within a few months; yet I wasn't. It was until until, July, seven months after I started taken the pill, I was able to come off it. Once the side effects from coming off the antidepressant wore off, I have been fine ever since. I still have a bad day every now and then, but compared to what it was like before, it's nothing.

I can definitely say that the first year of marriage was hard. I never knew I would be the kind of person who would get depression from just taking birth control. Who would have thought that I would have been diagnosed with depression within three months of being married? Or that for the next six months it would be a constant battle with my disorder. And yet, though it all, Brandon was amazing. He never once gave up on me, even when I had given up on myself.

I am obviously not a professional on the subject... but this is simply my story and I tried to explain it the best I could in hopes that if anyone else is struggling with this or anything of the sort, that you can find the help you need in the midst of your battle.